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Sweet Solitude

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As young adults facing everyday stresses of college, family obligations and other personal issues depression affects us all and it is during this time our iman is called into question. How much can we rely on Allah during the most difficult moments of our lives? All the ayat and quotes we read about putting our trust in Allah seem meaningless at the times when they should help us the most. On these occasions, we spiral into what seems like a never-ending cycle of misery. We dig ourselves into a deep hole we never knew we created; constantly blame ourselves for it and trying to pull ourselves out only to fall back in, again and again.

For a while, we stop trying. Our days become bland rituals and we no longer taste the sweetness of Iman that we once possessed. We feel that we have no purpose, and even the small moments of happiness seem to be brutally snatched away. The worry sets in, clawing at the back of our minds like nails on a chalkboard. It makes us cringe and we try to escape, but it’s always there, nagging. In the end, we must re-realise hat worrying won’t change our situation – only Allah will. Upon comparing our mentalities today to the people during the time of the Prophet Muhammad (s), we are a society devoid of sabr. Until we learn to accept that no calamity will strike us without Allah’s permission, that every hardship comes with ease, and that Allah tests those whom He loves, we will continue to remain in this endless cycle.

In the chilling whispers of the night,
Thoughts begin to race, take flight.
I listen to my shallow breathing
and the thump of my heart’s rhythmic beating.
I try to escape them, I try to run.
Anxiety creeps in like roots of a tree,
suffocating in, a darkness deeper than I can see.
Blinded by a despicable hatred,
as I watch those dear to me become alienated.

crumbled away with tears of guilt.
It’s not fair, but it’s no use,
what happened to me? What have I become?
To which downfall did I succumb?
while my life as I know it spirals into destruction.
I chain my wrists to planks of shame
only to break the metal, restart the game.
For the written remains always in the scroll.
I remind myself that believers will be afflicted with trials,
I find neither death nor life.
Only acceptance of fate: a healing by time,
a soothing remedy of prose and rhyme.
So I vanquish my worries and conquer my sorrows,
Life is too beautiful to beg for a different tomorrow.

But the youth in my soul will forever remain.
And I’ll smile for every blessing I own.
Time ticks away and I watch the sun rise alone.

When emotions pour out one by one,
The walls inside me that I have so carefully rebuilt
I turn every corner to face an obstruction,
Finally, peace overcomes my soul,
That I must strive for triumph on the Day of no denial

Drowning in this bittersweet solitude of mine
The youth in my body will fade away with age,

 

Author Information


Hilma Muzamil
2010 Batch
Research Analyst at Aroma Tyres and Tubes (Pvt) Ltd & FECT Aroma
Bachelor of Chemical Engineering Technology
University of Moratuwa

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